If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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