i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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