why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
