you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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