I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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