He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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