im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
