Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
