Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
