You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
