Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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