bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
