Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
