dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All the doctor said was why
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
