She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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