Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
