I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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