Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
