I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
