Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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