i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
