3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
