What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Still dying that you shit outside
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
