she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
