he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
