you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
