hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
