Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
