Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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