So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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