wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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