i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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