There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
