Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
