First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
