Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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