I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
