I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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