butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I donโt have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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