mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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