Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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