so explain again why im purple
no
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
