Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
