If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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