Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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