i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
