Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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