your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
