Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
