We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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