Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
