He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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