Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
