haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
