totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you win again, gameday.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
