You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is wine microwaveable?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize