its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
