He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
