I wannas sexs uuuuu
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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