Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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