My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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