Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
