No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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