I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
