I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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