WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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