did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
