What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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