there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
