You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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