No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
