9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
