She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
