when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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