you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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