I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
