i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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