Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
