this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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