Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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